


fifteen ways to blind yourself with borrowed light

by Riana1



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV), Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim Fusion, Gen, overprotective siblings for the win
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-07
Updated: 2013-08-07
Packaged: 2017-12-22 15:39:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/914970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riana1/pseuds/Riana1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Think of this as practice, rescuing the people that you love, throwing yourself into the breach again and again until you make yourself into a weapon, until you turn your soft skin into an unyielding shield, until your heart beats down hurricanes.</p><p>Arya and Sansa as Jaeger pilots in a Pacific Rim fusion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	fifteen ways to blind yourself with borrowed light

**Author's Note:**

> Daphne Gottlieb’s fifteen ways to stay alive again. I really am addictive to that poem for matter. Also writing Arya as feral overprotective mess. Therapy through soul-baring and kaiju-slaying. Catch the reference and get a drabble.

 

****  
"You may be as different as the sun and the moon, but the same blood flows through both your hearts. You need her, as she needs you" - Ned Stark

"Like the moon we b orrow our light"- Paramore

 

 

1\. Offer up your own self as a mirror.  
  
This is the lesson that beats under your breast, a counter to your own heart, but an arrhythmia that lets you live despite everything (San Francisco, Trespasser, Vail, Petyr, Petyr, Pan Pacific, the Academy, the Drift-). You reflect what they want you to see, what they want you to be; _protective camouflage_ , you remember hazily from your biology class, _the ability to blend in seamlessly into the surrounding environment_ , so the birds and butterflies won't get eaten you remembering chirping to your teacher.  
  
(a hand under your chin- little bird)  
  
2\. Be the hardworking student. Be the dutiful candidate. Be faithful, steadfast, stalwart, smart- everything, anything the Program want you to be.  
  
A Jaeger justifies anything.  
  
3\. Excell.  
  
4\. Excell.  
  
5\. Excell. We are going to break you down so we can build you back up, your teachers say and you almost laugh yourself sick- push-ups, pull-ups, painfully obvious simulations on information retention, reflexes, and memory (a hand on your shoulder- little bird), you will not lie and say it does not hurt. Bruises bloom across your skin like an infestation of wild heather, aches root deep into your muscles, and you have never been more aware of every nerve in your body. No pain, no gain and do you climb, do you claw, do you drag your body inch by bloody inch up the percentiles with a smile and a 'yes, sir' on your lips.  
  
Yes, sir.  
  
You do and count the cost cheap. After all, what is the given value of the meat you're wrapped up in when you already put a down payment with your soul.  
  
6\. Your sister has always upset your plans. Trying to get Joffery to notice you or trying to become a Jaeger pilot, Arya has always found a way to burst in to the your carefully constructed scenarios and ruin them without a thought. Staining both your student uniforms with obviously not waterproof mascara, tears, and tiny tears where your manicure sheared through the cotton of her shirt- your sister is in your arms, you are not alone, everything you have planned for has collapse around your ears.  
  
Realize your **sister** is in your arms.  
  
Cry again.  
  
7\. Spend the next semester ducking around the negative spaces between you and Arya, the great white whale in the room of After San Francisco and Before the Academy and the many, many white elephants that ramble between your legs to trip you up. Give up the sanitized life summary you typed on your school application- in the aftermath, you went to live high up in the mountains with your only living family, your maternal aunt and her new husband. Listen to your sister's seven word reply, "I grew up in a refugee camp" and try not to smother yourself with the silence leftover. Arya is your sister, your sister is a stranger but you don't mind; you catch your reflection in the mirror sometimes and think Sansa is a stranger too.  
  
  
8\. Practice your concealer tips. Brush a smooth nude base across the skin of your right eye, violet to beige, violence to blanch, edge with charcoal: a perfect demarcation of your defense, wide eyes and red lips. Hear your sister snarl in the background. "Why did you have butt in? I could have taken Weese down in two hits easy. All you do is smile and simper and paint yourself like a goddam socialite when we're training to fight a war. After all the shit he said about dad, he gave you a **black eye** , and you wouldn't let me take the fucker down?!"  
  
Click the compact shut. "How many demerits are you away from getting expelled from the program now, Arya?"  
  
The slam of the door is all the answer you need.  
  
Think of this as practice, rescuing the people that you love, throwing yourself into the breach again and again until you make yourself into a weapon, until you turn your soft skin into an unyielding shield, until your heart beats down hurricanes.  
  
Make your allegory alive.  
  
9\. The Drift. Let go. Lie back and let it happen. Don't fight it. It only makes it worse. It will all be over soon. All good advice according to your teachers and Drift-ready classmates.  
  
Blame bad sushi afterwards. Spend the rest of the afternoon dry-heaving bile into the toilet and trying not to crawl out of your own skin. Let Arya boil you tea and tuck you in your bed. Let Arya turn off the lights and crawl under the covers with you. Let yourself fall asleep to the lullaby of your shared snoring.  
  
10\. Nearly everyone describes creating a neural bridge differently. Renly brags about it being like a drunken PowerPoint presentation randomly mixed all the NSFW bits even you didn't know. Arianne describes it simply as faith and sips her coffee with her cousins.  
  
This how you see it.  
  
Strip down naked.  
  
Close your eyes and bare your throat.  
  
Trust your sister to do the same.  
  
Step together into the light.  
  
11\. Recall the the memories like afterimages in your eyes after staring into the sun- ( no captain crunch for breakfast yelling bye to daddy no time for a kiss sirensirensirens a switchblade in your hand call me arry call me nan call me cat you stupid boy gendry don't leave me don't leave me daddy daddy lysa take her please bourbon tastes foul high up like a princess in a tower you be safe sweetling my little bird smile for me alayne nobody needs to know a hand **under** your skirt- little bird **why** -).  
  
12.Hold onto Arya until you get back to the safety of your room. Let her pace. Let her curl her hands into fists. Let her scream. "I kill him, I will fuckin' find the son of a bitch and kill him-"  
  
Ignore your sister and walk up to the battered wolf preserve poster on the far wall. Ask your sister if she remembers when your father took both of you to visit Jon at the San Francisco zoo and see the new wolf pups. Keep talking about how you fussed, fogging up the glass, complaining how you didn't see any wolves in the exhibit until Arya pointed out one by the rocks, how one by one the pack melted into view to your utter surprise, and Jon talked about how predators camouflage themselves to avoid detection by their prey.  
  
"Until they are close enough to kill."  
  
Smile.  
  
Watch your sister bare her teeth back.  
  
13\. Feast on the negative spaces between you. Gorge yourself on the silence. Consume the unspoken until all you are left with is each other's battered bleeding heart.  Blow every record out of the water. Make the name Stark into legend.  
  
Live up to it.  
  
14\. Lose your lipstick the day before your launch. Fumble in your purse until Arya offers you hers.  
  
"Let you know a little secret. Haven't wash my hair in awhile, this is the same shirt as last night, but as soon as you put on bright red lipstick no one cares."  
  
Laugh and twist the blood bright color a little higher and put your warpaint on.  
  
15\. Speak the words. "Wolf Dire ready for launch."


End file.
